It all began with a very exciting family visit. My husband`s cousin came to visit us for two weeks from Israel. Anytime someone comes to visit us I get over excited and begin to plan fun entertainments and activities. I just forgot one little thing... Our family status is slightly different than it was six months ago. Sometimes I just refuse to slow down and just want to keep dancing at a few parties at the same time.
Two weeks of very intense but fun travels. Even, my husband`s cousin had a hard time keeping up with everything that I had planned. Imagine the stress on my 6-month-old sweet baby. To my surprise, she did very well. (I will share all of our travels on a few Vlogs during this month) Yes, we did have some fussy days but overall everything went pretty smooth, till...
Michael (my husband) got sick. It seemed like a typical seasonal cold, running nose, terrible coughing, etc. I asked him multiple times do not kiss the baby and try to stay away from her as much as possible, as hard as is it may be. Not only did he not listen to me, but he also took a bite of apple from his mouth and put it in Milena`s mouth. I was crossing fingers, but it wasn`t enough.
On the day we returned from our last adventures in New York I felt weak and not my best and Milena began coughing. As we ate dinner, I said to Michael "How nice it will be when you leave Milena and myself for 5 days, sick and home alone with no help." Guess what? This is exactly what happened!
Here is where all of the fun began. I got well pretty fast, after about 2 days or so I felt much better, but my poor baby has gotten even worse. My poor baby girl! She was coughing with so much pain, it was so hard to even look at her. Milena didn`t sleep for over 5 nights and days. She couldn`t fall asleep more than thirty minutes because every cough was waking her up with a cry that lasted for at least an hour, I somehow managed to put her back to sleep for another thirty min or so. This went on for about five days.
I literally lost my sanity. I couldn`t keep hearing her cry like that. My body was so week and exhausted from not sleeping for 5 nights, I just couldn`t even hold the baby in my arms anymore. Horrible back pain, a bad migraine that didn`t want to leave me, moreover I was sure I am about to have a mental break down. The baby and I cried so much during these 5 days. As I look back I cannot believe I`d been through this hell. I had three cold sores from all that happened. My body was so stressful and shaking from every little noise that I heard.
Michael came back home for 2.5 days before he left again for work. During these two days, I got some sleep, did some yoga and gathered energy for another four days to spend alone with the baby. Milena was already doing better. She slept for a few hours during the night, but I still needed to get up at least four times a night to feed and calm her down. Since Milena was two months old she hasn`t eaten during the night and was such a good sleeper. Now, since our crazy two weeks of travels and her sickness, everything has changed. I began every day and night to train her all over again and thank god I am doing a pretty good job because she finally slept like a doll for three nights without waking me up even once during the night. And finally last night (Saturday, Nov 3rd) I slept over eight hours :) As I am writing this I feel like a completely new person and cannot believe that all this actually happened to me just a few weeks ago.
Being a mom is not an easy job and life adjustment. But, a sick baby, I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Seriously, I still can`t believe that I survived it all alone. This is another bummer when you choose to live your life a thousand miles away from your family. Myself and hubby we are absolutely alone in this country and have zero help. Moreover, I am the kind of person that doesn`t know (always feel guilty and uncomfortable) to ask help from others even though many good people are always offering me a hand. I just feel like I don`t want to bother others with my shit.
Anyway, this is the reason why I disappeared. Milena and I really needed time to recreate balance in our lives. I find the best way to work on my balance is to disconnect and reconnect with myself and my own life. I`ve been asking myself many questions, trying different things, searching for answers, listening to my intuition, crying and letting go of things that not longer serve me, focusing on my mental work and slowly coming back to my physical work. And, finally, we are taking steps to hire a nanny. So, hopefully, very soon everything will fall into place and I would be able to give more of myself to the world. (so excited!)
One of the reasons why I hang on to social media so much is because I`m trying to live my life purpose which is to inspire, uplift, and empower others to live their life to the fullest. And when I don`t have anything to offer because I myself dealing with my own shit, I just prefer to disconnect and organize my own life so I`ll be able to offer something to others. Always put yourself first so you can give the best version of yourself to your loved ones and to the world. Thank you for your support and being with me on this journey. xo, Liel