A few months ago, I decided that I was going to work on myself and on my professional feed.
I was going to achieve this by letting words out either vocally or in writing. This I`ve struggled with since my childhood. I assume it resulted when I lost my parents at the age of nine. Their absence in my life made me more naïve as I was always afraid to speak out, express myself, share my opinion, or directly say my mind when the time came. I was too quiet, shy, boring, I would kill a conversation before it started, and as such, I sometimes wondered what I was ever good at.
Engaging in adventurous risky activities that are risky was not my thing as I was constantly afraid people would laugh at me and my stupid opinions. Who would want to listen to a failure in the first place?
However, as the years went by, I gradually regained my confidence, and my self-esteem started improving dramatically. All thanks to my yoga practice. I was surprised at how these could happen. All I knew was that my yoga classes and constant practicing had given me so many tools that helped me fall in love with myself, to accept, appreciate, believe, open up, and become a completely new person. However, deep down, I still have this phobia for free conversation even though no one would ever notice or guess, but deep down in me, I still have this fear.
When it comes to a professional level, I'm having a hard time to speak or share anything valuable. So many beautiful projects that I`ve wanted to do and share never saw the light of the day due to insecurities in myself and mostly because I'm having such a hard time expressing myself and share the story the way people will understand. Nine out of ten times, I chicken up and won’t do what I had planned. My English was very bad, and I still have a long way to go and lots of work to do. To that effect, I always very careful with words as I constantly hold myself back. This is a huge burden, and I'm so sick and tired of it. I know that I need to work more on myself if I want to make an impact and be seen as a value. One of my dreams is to become a magnificent storyteller and be able to wonderfully communicate to people as if I’m telling a love story, like kids listening to fairy tales, in a way that I can deeply touch souls with my stories and my work.
A few months ago, I decided daily to work on it; after a first-round when I went live on Instagram and shared a little bit of my life story, it was so hard and difficult for me. I felt so stupid, I had a million and one reasons to quit. As I reflected on that event, I decided rather than jumping right into the deep ocean and learn how to swim, I would begin by taking baby steps in the shallow water.
Writing comes a little easier to me; hence, with the help of a teacher, I'm learning how to fix my broken English, how to choose better dictions to express my thoughts, working on my grammar, and progressively taking it to another level.
Public speaking is another one of my biggest and scariest dreams. Furthermore, I want to get to a point where I can just hop on a short live video and lead any kind of conversion without being scared and overthinking what I would say. I promised myself that no matter what and how long it takes, I’ll share my gifts and thoughts on stage in front of a big audience and to the world one day.
I made it an obligation that after giving birth to my second baby, I would write stories of whatever comes to my mind daily. Gradually I'm going to improve, and my confidence is going to restore; I'm going to enjoy the growth, and very soon, my dreams will become my reality.
Nevertheless, on this new journey of mine, I feel proud of myself for completing the first three weeks out of 52 of daily writing.